Monthly Review

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I came into July expecting to be posting. I got my IWSG post up on the 1st. On the 3rd, my mom told the family she was stopping her chemo treatments while we were all together at my older sister's where she was taking care of her. On the 7th, my older sister called my younger sister frantic because some of the things mom was saying was scaring her, so we went back up to her house. On the 10th, we watched our mom die.

Fortunately, we were "prepared" generally, if not emotionally. She had been battling Stage 4 lung cancer for 18 months, which is more than what our local doctors predicted, and thankfully my older sister set her up with Fox Chase, who took great care of her. She had a tumor wrapped around her bronchus. After her first 6 months of chemo, it was gone, but the metastases weren't changing, and her body was starting to shut down on the new chemo. She did not want to be incapacitated. She used to tell us that even when she was healthy. Emotionally, we're pretty wrecked. The deterioration happened so fast. At the end of June, she was walking around. Two weeks later, she was gone.

My younger sister and I stayed at our older sister's from the 7th through my birthday on the 19th. We mostly sat in mom's in-law suite and every now and then looked over at her recliner where she sat and slept the last few days before my sister ordered her a hospice bed. My older sister, brother-in-law, and niece had been living with mom for about a year. They bought their home specifically so she could move in with them. We had all hoped for more time for her, especially for her to do more than just be sick and get treatment.

I haven't recovered from that night. Thursday morning to Friday evening, aside from maybe 2 hours of sleep, was one long day. My younger sister and I don't really leave our rooms except to work. If I could've, I would have taken the whole month off. I went back to work last Wednesday, and I plan to return to my part time this week. I had just started reading a new book, but I haven't really touched it since the beginning of July. I had also just started writing again, so I'm trying to pick it back up. Trying to "get back to normal" isn't really something I want to do without it involving calling or seeing my mom. But this is where I am.

I wish I had a more positive update, but unfortunately, I don't.